When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, it was beyond devastating. At first, I thought she was joking, then I was in shock, and then it hit me that she was serious. The emotional barrage that hit me next was like a punch to the gut and the heart at the same time.
After she left, I wanted to text and call her all the time to apologize and beg her to try again. I didn’t know whether to plead, yell, cry, grovel, or buy her gifts to see if I could persuade her to come back. Luckily, I learned about the no contact rule before I could do any more damage!
When someone you love breaks up with you, it is normal to experience a flurry of emotions that can make you panic and act out desperation. At that moment, you don’t care that your actions don’t make any sense. You just want to try and fix the broken relationship and stop feeling that ache in your heart.
You don’t want to be the pitiful and whiny guy who can’t seem to understand the meaning of space. If she broke up with you, it is clear she wants some time away from you. Besides, groveling so that she takes you back only shows her that you won’t even take the time to address why you broke up – and that won’t help you get her back.
What Is The No Contact Rule?
The no contact rule is a method to get back with an ex-partner after they break up with you. In the no contact period (which is usually a month), you refrain from contacting your ex via texts, calls, social media, or actively looking around for her under the guise of “I was in the neighborhood.”
It’s an effective strategy for 3 reasons:
No one enjoys the end of a great relationship, and some people (me included) do not take breakups well. Some respond with anger, violence, and other irrational emotional responses that can push the ex much further away. You don’t want to destroy any chance you have at getting her back.
Even though you feel devastated, respond calmly and tell her you’re sorry she feels that way, and that you accept what she wants. Tell her she can talk to you if she changes her mind. After that, enact the no contact rule to give you time to grieve and assess everything.
Not only do you show dignity and maturity, but you also show her you aren’t that “psycho ex.” She won’t label you desperate or creepy. You’ll have shown respect, strength, and that you can listen to her and what she needs.
#2. Fixing The Damage
You’ve already acted maturely and with no objections after the breakup. Now both of you can cool down from all the emotions separately. You have enough time to put the relationship in perspective.
Think about what your ex said she wasn’t happy about when you were together. What did you do to push her away? Take this time to work on your negative traits.
If you were messy, work on being more organized and efficient. Work on your health and your appearance as well. This doesn’t just boost your self-esteem, it will make your ex girlfriend make a double-take the next time she sees you!
#3. Make Her Miss You
Believe it all not; there’s a high chance she started missing you the minute you responded well to the breakup. Provided you didn’t do anything unforgivable to lead to the breakup, responding with maturity and leaving silence in your wake can make her question her decision. Whatever you do, do not break the no-contact rule no matter how much you miss her!
It will be difficult, but it is for the best. Trust and do not interrupt the process. While you are improving yourself, she will calm down and think about the good you had together, and whether it was a bad decision to break up with you.
The good thing about the no contact rule is that you end winning regardless of the outcome. If she takes you back, that’s a win for you. If she doesn’t take you back, at least you’ve taken the time to recover and be a better man for the next woman!