How To Start A Conversation With Your Ex Girlfriend

by Andreas | Last Updated: August 31, 2019
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It’s been a while since you talked to your ex-girlfriend and you feel like you need to clear the air, check up on her, or simply because you missed her. Maybe you’re anxious because of how it all ended. Maybe you want to be friends, but you don’t know what to say.

man woman on a date

I know the feeling because I’ve been there before. After my breakup, I struggled emotionally, and felt like I had to say something; like I had to apologize or tell her it was never her fault. Anything to make everything right and have her smiling again!

Unfortunately, there isn’t a guide on the perfect time to start a conversation with your ex. However, there are some good tips you can use to help you figure your way into it without messing it up. They involve space, change, and observation – and each situation depends on how far along you are past your breakup point.


man woman relaxing in the woods

By space, I mean enforcing the no contact rule for a month. If you have just broken up with your girlfriend, then this is for you. I will explain why the no contact rule is vital for both of you.

Whether you’ve had an angry, emotional, or confusing breakup, the no contact rule will help you get enough space to calm down and think logically. You don’t want to be the guy who stalks her everywhere; desperately texting and calling all the time. No girl likes a desperate guy (unless she’s sadistic and that means she isn’t good for you!)

When you’re sure you’ve both had enough time to calm down and evaluate the relationship and everything that led to the breakup, you can start a conversation. You can start with a simple and casual question or comment like how a certain place reminded you of her.

Then you can proceed to apologize for your mistakes and admit that you didn’t like how it all ended. Remember, you don’t want to seem desperate whenever you are starting a conversation with your ex. Keep it simple, polite, and don’t bring up bad memories. Aim to be friendly and amicable.


silhouette of man

At this point, the no contact rule period is over, and maybe you’ve decided you like the changes you’ve been going through. Change means you’ve evaluated all the negative things you brought to the relationship, and you’ve learned how to do away with them. If you were a messy and lazy boyfriend, you cleaned up some more, started working out, and changed your appearance for the better.

Just broke up with your girlfriend? Getting back to the place you were in when you started the relationship is “easier” than you think…

At this point, you know whether you’d want your ex back, or whether you just want to let go of the past and clear the air between you two. Here, you also start the conversation on a friendly note; then you can admit you were wrong for the things you did, and that you apologize.

Depending on the reception and what you wish to happen in the future, you can ask to remain friends or keep it friendly until you get the hints you can go for a more romantic pace.


Here, it doesn’t matter whether you’re in the no-contact stage or making the changes. Sometimes, you may find yourself forced to start a conversation with your ex with no warning at all. Here’s one scenario:

Imagine you’re at a local event or your local Trader Joe’s, then boom – your ex is in the same building and close enough that you cannot ignore. What do you do? You can’t tuck tail and run; that is just plain cowardly!

You’ll have to put your observational skills into play. Does your ex turn away fast or look displeased to see you nearby? Then no one can fault you if you pretend you didn’t see her, do what you came to do, and walk away.

If she doesn’t look unhappy to see you, you can smile politely and keep it friendly. Don’t bring up the breakup. You can ask her what she thinks of the event, or keep it simple notice that she likes a certain product.

Final Word

When you’re starting a conversation with your ex, the key point is to keep it casual and friendly – no badmouthing, desperate tactics or looking like you wish the ground would swallow you.

I understand if you feel anxious just thinking about it – I know the feeling. I had to work on my emotions, and I took courses and read books like this Supreme Self-Confidence book to help me boost my self-esteem and gain confidence!

Andreas, the founder of CharmingMale, is an enthusiast of becoming a "charming guy" without becoming someone else. He has been an average skinny dude most of his life, yet after years of hustle, disappointments, he become a better male version of himself. He discovered that, even if you are an average guy, as long as you are willing to put in some effort of improving yourself and developing the skills, you can become a better man that people will respect and admire!