Breakups are hard; especially when you know your relationship was pretty good and you could have gone much further than the end. But having your ex-girlfriend talking to you first (with no hate or displeasure in her eyes!) can make you feel a lot better.
Of course, by talking to you, it’s in good terms and with no bad blood between you too – maybe even with the possibility of future romance.
When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, I felt bitter. The news came at a devastating time – I was struggling at work, and I thought that our relationship was one of the few good things holding me afloat. It’s safe to say I was angry, and I felt like the universe was playing a trick on me.
Luckily, I consider myself a rational person. I accepted her verdict and told her to reach out if she ever needed to talk. Looking back on it, that was the best decision I made at that moment. She later admitted that she loved how calmly I dealt with the situation even though I wasn’t doing too well!
After your girlfriend has broken up with you, it’s only fair to want her to be the first to reach out. You want her to admit that she made a mistake and that she misses you. Even though you may not want her back at some point, it is understandable not to want to be the first to initiate dialogue, and I’ll tell you how you can go about it.
How To Get Her To Talk First
Your work begins the minute you break up. No matter how hurt or played you feel, do not lash out or respond emotionally. Accept the news, take your leave with your dignity intact, and begin the following steps:
1. No Contact Rule
One major mistake men make after a breakup is bombarding an ex-girlfriend’s phone with messages and calls. You may think that you’re showing her sorry you are, how much you love her or that you’ll remind her you were good together. Stop it; you are making it worse.
When she broke up with you, it’s because she doesn’t want to talk to you (in that moment, at least). All you’re doing is reminding her she was right to break up with you, and that you haven’t learned a thing. Instead, pick the no contact rule.
This means no texting, calling, e-mailing, or showing up wherever she is to talk to her – nothing. Disappear and give her the space that you both need. The no contact rule is a highly successful way to get her talking first.
Not only does space help you by preventing you from doing more damage, but it also helps her see you can be mature about it all. You aren’t that crazy ex that can’t understand the message. Also, it shows her that you listened.
If there are things you did that led to the end of the relationship, now is the time to work on them. Clean up, work on your self-esteem, eat better, exercise, and work on those negative traits that made you a bad boyfriend.
This will take your mind off the breakup, and it will show her (if you ever run into her unexpectedly) that you are improving. By improving, it also means looking better than you did before.
Trust me that will get her attention! Even though you’re tempted to reach out, do not; stay busy and stay focused on yourself.
You’ve made the necessary changes during the no contact period. You look better, you feel great, and you are confident than you were before. Now you can hang around mutual places and with mutual friends without feeling like you’ll get a heart attack any time she’s around.
If the silent period made her miss you, then seeing you walking around, doing better, and looking more attractive will grab her attention hard. She will likely question her decision to break up, or she will be curious enough to want to talk to this new you!
Admittedly, the main thing I learned after my breakup was how much confidence can change a lot of things. I took advantage of resources like the Supreme Self Confidence (meet your sweet) book and learned more than just how to deal with rejection. I could finally bounce back from traumatic events, confrontations, and pick a positive path instead!