We all make mistakes. You probably dumped your girlfriend thinking the grass will be greener on the other side, but later realized that she was the best thing that happened to your life. Let’s evaluate your options.
You could simply text her….
But, remember she probably has not gotten over the hell you put her through. The wound in her heart is still fresh. This may lead to her deleting your messages even before reading them.
You can buy her a sports car with her name wrapped around it. But, you don’t have such kind of money for an expensive apology.
What should you do?
Trust was broken and rebuilding it will be your largest obstacle. She is probably wondering, “what if he does this again?” Firstly, she is disappointed with you and this requires you to trend carefully – kind of walk on eggshells until she regains your trust.
1. Evaluate your reasons for breaking up
You probably thought that spending late-night hours binge drinking with the boys would be fun, but every time you wake up with a hangover, you realize how much you miss her. Maybe she was clinging and nagging. Whatever the reasons, you need to evaluate how you still view the relationship.
If she is going to be a part of your life again, then you may need to compromise on some issues. The next step is to determine whether you are willing to adjust your life to accommodate her.
The reason you still miss her is that she was interwoven into your life. You have to separate emotional from rational thinking. If your girlfriend was manipulative and controlling then there is a probability that she is still the same person.
The temptation to take up the phone is real, but after some time it starts weaning off. If you do not want to get back with her, then you need to remind yourself of the reasons for leaving her.
2. Breaking/keeping lines of communication
If you are still Facebook or Instagram friends with your ex-girlfriend then any of her posts will bring about feelings of loneliness and you will start missing her again.
You also run the temptation of sending her a “hi” in her DM. Still being friends on social media is like having cold beers in the freezer and promising yourself you will not drink tonight. Unfollow her on various social media platforms.
This passes the message that you have moved on. However, if you still want to re-ignite the fire, then keep all communication lines open.
3. Test the waters
After evaluating your reasons for dumping her and you think you made an error then it is time to test the waters and see whether she would still want you back. Try going to places that she would visit.
This would mean the mall or church then ask her general questions as you observe her reaction. To break the ice start by asking her how her day at work or family is. Do not appear too pushy to restore the relationship.
4. Is she in a new relationship?
You will know that someone is over you the moment they move on to a new relationship. While this will evoke feelings of jealousy, you need to understand that she had a right to move on.
However, since each relationship is different there could be some probability that she still has feelings for you and the current relationship was an attempt at forgetting you. If it is working great and she is all over the new boyfriend then your chances are pretty small. But, if she still tolerates and responds to your queries and messages then you can give it a shot.
5. Do your future goals still align?
You need to ask yourself whether your long term goals still align even after breaking up. Maybe she has found employment in another state or she no longer finds children attractive. The only way the relationship will continue being fruitful is if both of you are still searching for the same thing.
This will require you to have a candid discussion on your long-term plans. It is okay to disagree on some things but some major things like marriage, finances, work, and children should take center stage. It is normal to discover that your confidence levels are low after a breakup, but you need to get yourself together and get back into the dating scene. A self-confidence tutorial will help you with this.
6. Re-inventing yourself
Whether your ex-girlfriend accepts or rejects your apology life has to go on. If she is going to accept you back then you have to become irresistible. If you have been the skinny guy, this will be the opportune time to create some muscle mass. There are various exercises for weight gain including doing squats, pushups or bench press. This will give you the body that you desire within a few months.
Once you are done working on your body. It is time to change your clothing style. It is usual for skinny guys to hide their lack of muscles with oversized t-shirts and baggy clothes. Change these with close-fitting clothes. Remember you are first dressing for yourself. So, go with clothes that bring out your physique beautifully.
Next, find a hobby that you enjoy doing. This is one sure way to stay busy and stop thinking of your ex-girlfriend. If she chooses to take you back, the first thing she will realize is that you are not needy and that you are enjoying your life without her. Do not be surprised if she gives you a call.
It is normal to feel sad and lonely whenever you break up with someone you spent almost all hours with. There will be those places you loved visiting and this will act as a reminder of your loss.
However, you need to pull yourself together and stop wallowing in self-pity. Evaluate the relationship. Are there things you will need to be changed should you get back together? If you still miss her the best advice is to keep yourself busy.