My friend Jake is a dashing thirty-two (32) year-old investment banker in New York (USA). To add to his successful career, he’s a really sweet guy. When I first met him I thought that he’s the kind of man that women can never stop running after. I mean, he has everything a woman would want: a successful career, gorgeous looks, and is very nice. The irony is that Jake has never held a relationship for more than one month and it’s been five years since a lady actually agreed to go on a date with him. Weird right? What could possibly be the problem with this perfect man?
Jake Even He Was Handsome & Successful, He Didnt Know How To Really Be A Charming Guy!
Like my friend Jake, I also used to be one of those guys, having no luck with women, even though I was older than 30 years old, had a good job, a property, and always people considered me to be a very good person. It turns out that I and my friend Jake lack a certain something that attracts women. It’s called “Charm.” It takes more than looks or smooth words to make you attractive enough to win a woman’s heart.
According to a study by Pew Research Center, 27% of men aged 30 to 49 do not have a partner, and 51% of men younger than 30 years old are also single! If you don’t “charm” you might never find a soulmate. After a study I have done myself, guys that don’t take the following points seriously to be more charming, have fewer chances to have a healthy relationship or even have one in the near future!
I wrote this, so by the end of this guide, you are going to learn:
- How to become a charming guy,
- How to be magnetic to a woman,
- Habits you need to develop,
- Things you need to improve on yourself if you want other people to like you and respect you.
- The ONE thing that is so important that ANY other point doesn’t matter!
If you are interested, then keep reading!
Charm isn’t just a quality that will endear you to a woman; it encompasses everything about your personality and character. It also has an effect on the people around her.
This is something that a lot of guys have no idea about. Most guys rely on their looks and bodies to attract women. It doesn’t work that way. It’s true that the sight of your handsome face and muscular build will make the ladies swoon but it’s not enough to get them into a lasting healthy relationship. A study showed that women are likely to choose handsome men for flings but not long-term personal relationships. If you want something more than one night, then you need more than looks.
That’s why you get angry at that dude in your office that always has women around him. You look at yourself and think, “I am actually more handsome than this guy so what is it about him?“ On the scale of 1-10 when it comes to comeliness and having the perfect body, he’s probably a 2 and you’re a 9. Yet like a moth to a flame, the ladies can’t resist him.
So, even though I am not a 9 out of 10 myself (I am like a 7 or so), I really wanted to find out everything that makes a person charming in the eyes of women.
I started doing big research myself, by asking different women about what makes a man handsome and attractive to them. In addition to my research, I visited countless online forums and read psychological books and other related books. All I can tell you is that I made some interesting discoveries! I started applying some of them on my own and I’ve noticed the improvement after finding the perfect woman myself (which I am married for more than 2 years).
So, if you’re tired of having women say no repeatedly to you, it’s time for a change.
What is A Charming Personality? (For Men)
Charm is one of the base features of charisma. You will never be a truly charismatic person if you don’t take charm seriously. So who is actually considered to be a charming guy in 2 lines? A charming man is a pleasant guy, a likable, or an attractive guy towards women. This can be achieved by specific social skills and a man’s physical appearance.
If that seems impossible for you, I assure you that you don’t have to be a Casanova to charm a woman. Building charm can be mastered even if you don’t have any idea! All it takes is the mastery of some specific social skills and your appearance. Most of these skills will require you to tackle some character flaws. Your smooth talk may charm a woman, but it is your character that will keep her. Your goal should not only be to charm the woman of your dreams but also to keep her.
HOW TO BE MORE CHARMING AS A MAN – THESE 41 SKILLS WILL TURN YOU INTO A CHARMING GUY!
Without any further ado, here are time-tested social skills that will turn you into the most charming person in the room and magnetic to women!
1. Improve Your Communications
This shouldn’t surprise you at all. It’s no secret that excellent communication skills are a must-have for any man who’s hoping to get a lady’s attention. Women thrive on communication and it’s the life-blood of every relationship.
(a) The Art Of Speaking
If you want to become excellent at talking to a lady, these are the things you have to do:
- You must know how to decorate a conversation with beautiful words and sentences.
- Your words must have a purpose. Don’t speak unnecessarily.
- Season your words with wit.
- Use words that make the other person feel special.
- Have a flexible vocabulary. I know what you might be thinking to yourself why you have to go through all this trouble just to get a lady to be attracted to you. The time you invest in learning how to speak and write will pay off. Why do you think women love poetry?
- Be generous and sincere with your compliments. No one likes to be patronized and excessive flattery is extremely unappealing.
- Don’t repeat the same compliment. It’s annoying to keep saying “you look beautiful” over and over again. Be creative! For instance, if you want to tell a lady how beautiful she is and you have told her this before, don’t repeat the same words you used the last time. Instead of always telling her that her dress is beautiful you can say:
– “You look stunning!”
– “You dress like a princess, you know that?”
– “That dress looks amazing on you..”
- Give your undivided attention to the person you’re talking to, especially if she’s a lady. Make sure to be respectful and patient.
- Don’t try to force your opinions down people’s throats. Don’t turn a nice conversation into a debate by trying to look for areas of disagreement. It’s perfectly fine to have a different point of view but don’t be bossy about it.
- Be articulate and confident when you speak.
- Speak only when it is appropriate. Don’t try to be boastful or talkative. It will only repel people from you
- Talk to her about their interests.
- Always say less and listen more. A charming man is a master at saying what he needs to say with as few words as possible.
- Make her laugh. This is a must if you mean business with the lady. You must be able to make her laugh. No woman would want to go out with a grumpy guy who reminds her of her old principal.
- Ask questions. Allow her to talk about herself. Don’t dominate the conversation.
- Always speak with a calm and collected tone
- Use her name a lot while talking to her but don’t overdo it. Moderation is the key.
Is this the BIGGEST SECRET To Become A Charming Guy?
Charming people are very good at making people feel like the whole world revolves around them. I remember when my friend Michael told me:
As human beings, we love other people to talk about ourselves. If someone makes you feel important and literally makes your day, just imagine how powerful this is for women!
Is the charisma of making the ladies feel important, really so powerful?
“But you already have a perfect boyfriend back home Denisa!”
YES! It is powerful enough! I remember when Denisa from the Czech Republic was studying in my country (she was our roommate for a few months). Even though she was in a serious relationship, every day when she returned back home from college, she always started talking about the most charming guy she ever met. Pablo, a 26 years old guy from Spain. No matter what, she told me this guy made her feel so wonderful that from time to time she was thinking of staying here (because of him).
WOW! I was wondering what makes someone have this charisma where a foreign girl would leave both her own country and boyfriend?! I asked her, why is Pablo a charming man? This is what she replied:
Denisa: “Well actually small things when combined it makes us girls feel so special and energetic! You can see his charm in how he behaves, how he acts in general, and literally everything! I am not sure what it is exactly, but I feel he has this charisma. He smiles a lot, he can say good jokes or funny stuff out of nowhere. He also listens to me and he actually knows how to reply, where anyone else is just replying back without adding any value to the conversation but only giving me his own problems Em, simply, I can feel his energy and I think this is very charming!!”
So, if there is a secret, I suppose this is it.
To always leave the person you’re talking to (especially if it’s a female) feeling better about themselves than they did before. Leave the woman you are talking to with more energy than they had before you talked to her!
Charismatic people always try to make the other person, a happy person, no matter what. These things take a lot of practice so don’t be discouraged if you flop. Just relax and have fun practicing them.
“Charm is getting people to say “yes” without ever having to ask them a question.”
― Connie Brockway, The Bridal Season.
(b). The Art of Listening
According to research that was done from the State University of New York, those who listen more effectively in conversations earn the complete trust of the people. While it’s tempting to show off your intelligence and wit, a man who knows how to listen will attract women like sugar attracts ants. Here is a list of important listening skills you have to master:
- You must show genuine interest in what a woman is saying. Ask questions if you’re not clear about what someone has said to you. Don’t let your ego get in the way. It’s perfectly okay to show ignorance. Women in general hate pretense.
- Think about what she is saying, and not about how you will respond to her. It is said that one of the biggest problems of communication is that we do not listen to understand instead we listen to respond. If you keep interrupting your interlocutor because you think that you already know what he or she is going to say to you, then it is very likely that you are one of those who listen to respond.
- A charming man makes you feel heard and he does this by first paying genuine attention, and second, ensuring that he also communicates with his body language. He also comments when necessary, is supportive and encouraging.
- You must be an active listener. Be the kind of person that people can talk to for hours. Let your body language show that you have a genuine interest in the conversation. In our days listening can be even harder when we always keep staring at our phones.
People enjoy feeling like they’re being listened to. It shows you truly care for them, and that you can make them feel appreciated. Many people have said that having a conversation with Bill Clinton makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. Be an expert in engaging with your listener.
(c). Have Confidence
Confidence is extremely important in becoming a charming and attractive man. Many guys are champions when it comes to video games and then become mute when they have to talk to a lady. You’ve got to exude confidence at all times.
Being confident has nothing to do with pride. It means being comfortable in your own skin. It means being bold enough to admit when you’re wrong, it means not being afraid to strike up an intelligent conversation with a lady or having the courage to go and talk with women you don’t know. Charming men carry an abundance of confidence.
(d). Respect Everyone
Nobody likes an egotistical maniac who believes the whole world revolves around them. There are so many men who love women but don’t respect them. Charming men respect women as individuals but are chivalrous at the same time.
One of the common personality traits is kindness. Charming people treat everyone they meet as deserving of respect and kindness without having any ulterior motive. They treat everyone they meet as deserving of respect and kindness without having any ulterior motive. For instance, you should treat a waitress with the same courtesy you use to treat your friends. You cannot pick or choose who to respect and who to disdain. Remember, kindness always comes back to you.
(e). Understand Nonverbal Cues (Body Language, Facial Expressions, And Eye Contact)
Nonverbal cues are simply modes of communication that do not require speaking. For instance, the facial expression of someone who is angry is enough to tell you that the person is angry. You don’t really need him to say that he is angry because he has communicated with his facial expression. When you are in a conversation with someone, your mouth is not the only organ that you speak with.
Body Language (Especially During A Conversation):
Your face is the window to your emotions. Your facial expressions must be in accordance with your words. Also, try to smile a lot. You don’t only need to make other people smile, you have to also have a good smile. Another tip is to always show that you’re genuinely glad when you first meet someone.
Nothing is as unappealing and repulsive as a wandering eye especially if you’re talking to a lady. You can’t be in a conversation with someone while your eyes keep wandering to every person that walks into the room. Maintaining direct eye contact with the person you’re talking to shows that you are interested in the person. When it comes to ladies, this is a good way to score high points.
You must master the power of touch (selectively), in this case, nonsexual touch. Non-sexual touch can be incredibly powerful. Touch is a very powerful tool in the world of communication and business. When it is used the right way, it can influence a person’s behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make you seem more attractive, and can even help you close sales.
Guys, a great body posture not only has health benefits but with a good posture, we appear taller and can make us more attractive to other people around us. Good posture boosts your energy levels and increases your self-esteem. If you have a bad posture while walking or while sitting on the computer for hours (like I did before) I highly recommend you start some posture exercises.
2. Develop A Positive Mental Attitude /Pleasant Attitude
Maintaining a pleasant personality is also important if you want to charm women. Everybody likes a happy person. However, it is not easy to be a man in this fast world. There are many things that can discourage you and make you lose hope and develop a negative mental attitude. Let’s say you lost a job or that business that you invested in didn’t take off and you feel like a failure. Don’t feel that way. Strong men are made in times of trials just as gold is refined in the furnace.
It may be tempting to hide in oblivion but that won’t do you any good. You have already proven how strong you are by choosing to wake up every day and show up. Don’t back down. You can boost your positive energy by making positive affirmations* every day. If you are consistent with this, you’ll maintain a positive attitude.
*Note by Anthony Aramini (Life Coach): Positive affirmations can be extremely powerful, however, you should NOT do them if you have low self-esteem! Research proves that positive affirmations will actually worsen the mood of those who have low self-esteem. Try building your self-esteem first.
(a) Keep An Open Mind
In trying to increase your network you don’t shut off new ideas and stop looking for new people to associate with. People are endeared to those who are willing to accept and explore new grounds. Be the one who encourages others to “do” something (Don’t be the person who’s always fine with hanging out or watching TV). A person with a high level of openness enjoys trying new things and increases him into becoming a more charming personality.
(b) Radiate Happiness
Charm exudes positive energy. You can’t be a charming man if you’re always talking negatively all the time. Resist the urge to complain about your life. People have a lot going on in their lives without you adding to their problems with negativity. Let people see you as the light at the end of the tunnel. Be the person that people run to whenever they have a bad day.
(c) Make Your Problems Look Like Joy
When people realize that you always talk about positive things, they’ll be more inclined to want to be around you all the time. Always be the one who leaves people with a smile on their faces. If you must talk about your problems, do it with grace and joy. Talk about them in such a way that they look more like challenges than problems. Don’t be a whiner.
(e) Always Show Gratitude
When you’re always grateful, you won’t give in to the urge to complain. This attitude will also rub off on people who are around you. There are tons of things to be grateful for: the free air you breathe, good health, having a house to go back to after work, having a job, etc.
(f) Be Spontaneous
Charming men are spontaneous people who are always ready to have fun. No woman will like to be with a man who’s stuck in his habits and set in his ways. Flexibility is a very attractive trait in a man.
3. Develop Authenicity
(a) Don’t Be Afraid to Show Vulnerability
Charming men are confident enough to show a little vulnerability. People tend to be attracted to those who are not afraid to show that they are human. You don’t have to act like James Bond all the time. Charming people willingly admit their mistakes. They don’t mind having a good laugh about themselves. They don’t take themselves too seriously. Charming people don’t mind occasionally showing their weaknesses and shortcomings. So, don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and own them!
The art of keeping a relationship above ego makes people charming.
(b). Be Sincere
If you want to charm the woman of your dreams and make her fall in love with you, you must be sincere. Don’t say things to her that you don’t really mean. Don’t act like someone you are not. For instance, if you work at McDonald’s, don’t lie to her and say that you are an investment banker.
Honesty endears you to people. No one likes fake people. When you show people that you are sincere they will be drawn to you because they know you are trustworthy.
(c). Be a Man of Your Word
A man who keeps his word is very attractive to women and will attract the favor of other people as well. Always say what you mean and keep the promises that you make.
4. Develop Humility
Having an ego is expected as a guy but being proud and arrogant will put people off. No matter how good-looking you are or how smart you are, always remain humble. Don’t look down on others or act like you are God-sent to women.
(a). Be a Down-to-Earth Guy
It is important not to see yourself above other people. Nothing repulses people like pride and arrogance. This will make people see you as someone who is down to earth. Women are drawn to men who are humble (trust me on that!). A propounded and arrogant man will hardly keep healthy relationships with people in general, no difference with a good relationship with a woman. No woman will actually put up with being treated like she is nothing without you.
(b). Resist the Urge to Name Drop
Charming people may know a few high profile people, but they don’t talk about it and that only adds to their charm. You don’t have to mention the names of the people you know to impress others. It will only have the opposite effect.
5. Love Yourself
To be able to be authentic and gain humility it’s important to love yourself first. What does loving yourself means? Self-love means loving and accepting yourself for you who are. It means being comfortable in your own skin and not wishing to be like someone else. It means loving yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.
This is not to be mistaken for pride and selfishness. Selfishness has to do with wanting everything for yourself without caring about the person next to you.
The first rule of charisma is not to try so damn hard to be charming. Don’t try to pretend or put on a false façade so people will like you. Just be yourself. There’s nothing more charming than a man who’s comfortable in his own skin. Women are drawn to men who love themselves enough to show who they really are. Such men are enormously attractive. They don’t need to prove anything to anyone or try to dominate people. They don’t fight or compete with people. They are complete in themselves.
6. Be Smart
You must not have the brains of Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking in order to be smart. Being smart is more than just being intelligent. If you are handy with gadgets or very good at a particular activity, then you are smart even if you don’t own a degree or had good grades at school!
(a). Be an Intelligent and Articulate Man
What woman doesn’t love an intelligent and articulate man? Charming men are intelligent, smart, and witty.
(b). Start Reading
If you’re that guy that gets nauseated at the sight of a book, you need to suck it up and start reading. Charming men are full of amazing and insightful knowledge. They are also great readers.
(c). Remember People’s Names
Charming men remember names and other small details about people, often to a surprising degree. Here is a tip: When you’re first being introduced to a person, simply repeat their name back to the person. Not only will it help you remember the name when you will need it, but you will also emphasize to the other person that you care enough to remember them.
(d). Be Decisive
People are turned off when you hesitate to make decisions or take action. Deal ruthlessly with procrastination and indecisiveness.
(e). Be a Committed Learner
Always be eager to learn new things. That’s how you build a vast repertoire of knowledge. When you tell people that you can teach them something new, you’ll be amazed at how fast they’ll become your student.
(f). Learn Languages
Learn at least two languages and be fluent in them. If the person you’re talking to knows about this quality of yours, it’ll be an extra bonus.
7. Live A Life Of Purpose
(a). Be Passionate
A man who has a meaningful purpose in life appears different from the rest. Be passionate about something. There has to be something that you can pledge your life to, something that will make the world a better place or help millions of people. Mahatma Gandhi was very charismatic because he was so passionate about his belief and his energy affected thousands of people and rallied them to his cause. Of course, it’s not necessary to be on that scale to consider yourself charming. Even smaller purposes can play a big role in the eyes of people. Being in charge of a group of people who keeps your neighborhood clean, or feeds the dogs and cats, you still make a difference in our world.
Him: ‘So what do you want to do in life?’
Her: ‘Wrong question. Ask me what I want to become in life. I dream of things more than I am allowed to.’
(b). Be Hardworking
Be a hard worker, not to show off to others but for yourself. Hard work is crucial to your success. Everyone likes to be around successful people. Even your haters will want to be around you.
(c). Develop a Growth Mindset
Instead of dwelling on self-pity over a past failure, learn from it, and use it in your personal growth. Most liked-minded people (both women and men) love and admire people who learn from their mistakes and failures rather than reeling in self-pity.
8. Be Kind
(a). Always be Willing to Perform an Act of Kindness
Most people who are charming are those who are willing to do a good deed without showing off or expecting anything in return. The next time you go out, determine to do something kind for someone like helping an old lady cross the street or giving food to the homeless.
(b). Be Emotionally Intelligent
When a person notices and reads the feelings of others, whether it’s their spouse or a taxi driver, and responds kindly, I am enchanted and want to get closer to that person.
(c). Show Compassion
I am inclined to fall in love with people who live in generous service to others, especially if they are not rewarded for it. Compassion covers many faults.
(d). Praise Other People
Giving a person a genuine compliment is one of the easiest ways to practice kindness. So why not practice this on women and have a chance to charm them? Here are some of the best compliments you can say to a lady.
- “You Are Making A Difference.”
- “You’re Even More Beautiful On The Inside Than You Are On The Outside.”
- “Your One Smile Can Make My Day.”
- “Talking To You Is So Refreshing. I’m Happy That We Can Communicate Like This All The Time.”
- “Every Guy In This Room Has Been Staring At You.”
Remember, kindness is about making other people happy by giving positive energy to them and compassion.
9. Have A Good Sense Of Humor
(a). Make her Smile (a lot!)
Women enjoy talking to men who make them smile/laugh. It’s addictive. We love spending time with people who know how to make us laugh. According to a French study, a woman is three times more likely to go out with a man who can make her laugh. Women find such men very attractive.
(b). Be a Master at Instant Funny Comebacks
You have to be able to crack a joke without overthinking it. Many guys try to be funny just by telling jokes. Two guys can tell the exact joke, however, not everyone will laugh, simply because how you say the joke is also important. Personally, I never remember jokes (and can’t say it in a funny way). However, what comes naturally to me is being spontaneously funny, making the other person laugh all the time, without telling a funny story.
10. Know How To Approach A Lady
Learn how to approach a lady appropriately. For instance, you can’t talk to a lady the same way you talk to your pals. When you’re talking to a lady, you have to be courteous and polite. Start a conversation with her by complimenting her.
For instance, if you walk into a bar and you see a lady that you would like to talk to, the first thing you should do is calmly introduce yourself and ask her if you can buy her a drink. Smile and make sure you are as polite as possible.
11. Take Care Of Your Appearence
All the above social skills are important and I believe it is more or less 60% of charming a lady. However, forgetting to take care of your appearance will reduce your chances of attracting a female.
You Must be Physically Attractive
(a). Know-How To Dress
You don’t need to look like Denzel Washington, Johnny Depp, or James Dean to be attractive and handsome. However, you should take care of your appearance. For instance, according to women, it is highly recommended to know how to dress smartly. Your appearance is extremely important if you want to attract a woman. Dress in a way that shows a certain level of prestige. A study conducted on women showed that clothing is an important determinant for choosing a male partner. You don’t have to spend above your means. Buy the best brands of clothes and shoes that you can afford.
(b). Workout at the Gym or Home
You don’t have to look like Hulk Hogan but working out at the gym (or home) will keep your body trimmed and fit. Like us guys, we like women that look good. Having a nice body can make you attractive to women. Not only that but you will also gain respect from people around you. By building muscles and having a nice-shaped body shows you are a disciplined person. By exercising yourself you also show that you care about being healthy. Also, something important is that women around you will feel safe (men have been always providing protection to women).
(c). Groom Yourself to be Handsome
Most charming guys out there will always have nice hair (note: this doesn’t mean a bald man cannot be charming. Many bald guys are very attractive to women as well). So make sure to always have a nice haircut, and shave properly (or take care of your beard). Don’t forget to take care of your skin as well. Try to always have clear skin by using high-performance hair products for men. Remember. Personal grooming is important for men since it boosts your confidence and it defines your personality.
(d). Bad Breath is a Turnoff
Guys, the issue of bad breath must be tackled once and for all. Maintain good dental hygiene. Imagine knowing how to talk to women but having bad breath at the same time. Even if she got charmed she will lose interest just because of it (even if you really have a health problem).
(e). Have Nice and Clean Teeth
In addition to bad breath, you must also keep proper teeth hygiene (as better as possible). The first reason of course has to do with health benefits, however, having good straight teeth vs having bad teeth can affect many areas of your life, either positively or negatively. I am not sure if you have seen it online, but there is a family picture where the father has both a missing tooth and an eyebrow. Almost nobody notices the missing eyebrow, however, almost everyone notices the missing tooth! So make sure to first clean your teeth, have them straight, and then you can even whiten them for even better smiles!
(f). Always Smell Nice
A whiff of a sweet masculine scent will certainly make a woman remember you for the right reasons. Invest in good perfumes and ensure that you’re well-trimmed and groomed. This means that you must be clean-shaven at all times. Also, it’s important that you keep fit. Examples of good perfumes are Creed Aventus and Calvin Klein Eternity Flame For Men.
HOW DO I START BECOMING A CHARMING GUY?
For most guys out there, it doesn’t take a lot to become a charming guy and attractive. Remember you don’t need to be perfect!
All you have to do is try adopting the habits to develop as many of these powerful skills and improvements on yourself and you’ll never have to worry about how to attract women again. If you take care of a few things on yourself, other people will notice it and will definitely care about you as well! You’ll also earn the love, admiration, and respect of everyone around you. Now isn’t that amazing?
How To Adopt The Above Habits/Skills?
Find three to five men out there who seem charismatic, whether they are famous, they live in your neighborhood, or are just your friends.
What makes them so charming and charismatic? Is it the way they act in general? Is it their look or how they talk to other people? Learn from these people and try to practice things that can be improved on yourself. But remember to stay authentic and not totally change your personality that becomes fake.
What are you lacking?
Did you notice people keep strangely staring at your teeth or your clothes? Do your friends often tell you that you are too skinny, or too fat and they tease you all the time? Do your parents often wish that you were stronger in life and had higher self-esteem?. Do people around you try to avoid you whenever you start talking about your unlucky life? Do you interrupt other people before they finish talking? Find what you are lacking and start practicing improving them one by one.
So here is once again a quick summary of what will turn you into the most charming guy in the room.
- GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
- POSITIVE MENTAL/PLEASANT ATTITUDE
- SELF LOVE
- LIFE PURPOSE
- GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR
- KNOWING HOW TO APPROACH A LADY
- GOOD PHYSICAL / PERSONAL APPEARANCE
So, my friend, it’s time now to turn on the charm! For more information, explore our grooming, fitness, love, and style guides.