How To Get Over Approach Anxiety

by Andreas | Last Updated: August 31, 2019
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Approach anxiety can keep you single for years. I mean, ladies expect you to approach them – not the other way round. They also expect you to take the lead during courtship. I grew up in a homestead that was very tense.

You had to be on good behavior at all times otherwise you would get a good thrashing for small mistakes – these lead me developing anxiety and depression. Have you ever being with the girl of your dreams and the moment you decide to approach her, all of a sudden you knees become super weak?

It’s like you have jelly in your stomach and cannot stand straight. Thoughts of fear keep rushing through your mind faster than a hurricane. In the end, you fail to make that approach. Later, you are tormented with thoughts of, “I should have done this and that.”

shy guy talking to a beautiful girl trying to impress her

Well… approach anxiety is not a permanent disability. You can overcome it. Instead of living in regret for lost dates, you can put into use some of these tips that I used to overcome it.

Most guys started where you are currently – having a near panic attack whenever approaching girls but they overcame with the right confidence guides. You cannot overcome approach anxiety without taking action. When you take steps in spite of your fears you realize there was nothing to fear in the first place.

1. It is all in the mind

The reason, you fear crippling you is because you are afraid of being rejected. Yes, it is true that women have preferences for certain guys but this is not universal. The truth is that there is a girl out there who finds you totally amazing. All you need to do is isolate her from the crowd.

If you love science then it can be hard striking a conversation with the cheerleader. Once you believe that you are also equally attractive and become choosy in your selection then you are one step ahead of overcoming approach anxiety.

man and woman on a date

The other lie men believe is that she is beyond your scope of dating. This is especially the case when the girl is super attractive. Firstly, understand that underneath all that gorgeousness is a gentle girl who desires to be loved and feel wanted. You are her prince charming. The only way you will get to know her better is if you approach and talk to her.

2. First impressions matter

Note that girls are also checking you out. They will look at your confidence levels, clothing style, sense of humor, and how you carry yourself. If you want to reduce your failure rate with women, then work on yourself. I was the skinny guy in college. Girls would dodge the moment they thought I was approaching them.

This not only made my approach anxiety worse, but it shattered my self-esteem. I had to take action, instead of wallowing in self-pity; I went on a diet and workout plan that saw me move from 135 to 190 pounds. This had positive effects on my confidence levels as I was proud and comfortable with my body.

Next, I changed my clothing style – moving from sagging jeans and over-sized t-shirts to formal wear. My change was remarkable and the girls noticed.

3. Conversation

man and woman holding candles

Once you have your physique sorted out, next you need to strike a conversation with girls. To break the ice, start the conversation with what is happening around you.

You can complement the way she answered a question in class or how she played a certain game. If it is not about her, you can strike a conversation talking about your school, restaurant you just visited or work life. This is familiar territory and helps reduce your anxiety.

To get her engaged and interested you need to ask her appropriate questions. If you have just left class, ask her how she found the lecture or her thoughts on a certain topic. This prevents the conversation from being too one-sided.

Texting is still one of the best ways to get to know a girl better.

If you are near a café, you can ask whether she would want a drink to cool her off the heat or a hot one to take off the cold. Do not get offended if she says no. Ask her whether you can do it at another time.

4. Be yourself

This is an area where most guys fail. They try so hard to impress a girl that they forget who they are. Pretending to be someone else is not only deceptive but leads to chronic lies. Eventually, she will figure out who you are and probably break it off for lying to her.

5. Compliments

If she looks good, smells nice tell her so. Ladies love compliments as much as gifts. Be careful though with compliments not to overdo it. If you can compliment her on something that few people notice the more she will like you. If she is your classmate, you can compliment her on how she answers questions.

right places for dates

6. Identify the right places for dates

If you are nervous about meeting girls, then go to where they hang out. This could be the library, coffee cafés or park. These places make it easy to strike conversations unlike in the clubs. You also have an environment to talk about. Another easy way to find dates is to go for social events with a female friend.

The benefit of these is that it makes it easy to start a conversation due to introductions. Your friend will also help you out in case you get stuck in a conversation.

Taking alcohol or drugs to overcome approach anxiety is a no-go zone. It makes you appear weak and when the drugs wear out, you will find yourself regretting what you said the previous night.


No one guy comes into this world with a manual on how to approach girls. It can be frightening the first time but it gets easier with time. You can overcome the condition by making every effort by talking to complete strangers. Talk to the flight attendant on your next flight, compliment the waitress the next time she serves a good cup of decaf coffee. You will notice that the more you practice the more the fear diminishes.

Andreas, the founder of CharmingMale, is an enthusiast of becoming a "charming guy" without becoming someone else. He has been an average skinny dude most of his life, yet after years of hustle, disappointments, he become a better male version of himself. He discovered that, even if you are an average guy, as long as you are willing to put in some effort of improving yourself and developing the skills, you can become a better man that people will respect and admire!